Finding out I was pregnant - My story.

 

Have you ever experienced a longing for something so much? 

A longing to grow a little human inside of you?

For as long as I can remember I have imagined walking around holding my growing bump, curious about how it must feel going into labour and then of course cuddling my baby for the first time. Years before my first child I would stuff cushions underneath my top just to see how I would look with a bump or go and buy a cheap test from poundland full of hope that there may be a small chance I had conceived! I'm sure that I'm not alone there right? 😆

It wasn't actually that long into my relationship with my current husband, Jake, that I brought up the subject to him about starting a family. We were living with my mum, sister and brother at the time, so as you can imagine it was rather cramped! I mentioned the idea of coming off the pill and trying for a baby. Still in college, with only Jake working full time, you are probably thinking 'what on earth is this girl thinking!'  Which was pretty much Jake's reaction to my proposal too. 

5 years on we were in a much better situation to start a family. We both decided that we were going to try hard for this and put a lot of commitment into trying for our baby! Every night we tried and even though at first it was great, eventually things became pretty stressful at the constant pressure we were putting on ourselves. Looking back I don't quite understand why we thought there was any need to rush to get me pregnant, we were both working long hours throughout the day and sometimes it was more try because we HAVE to rather than we want to. Of course at the end of that month when my period came we were both quite disheartened and stressed out. 

A month later, we did not get stressed or force anything - just enjoyed each other with no pressure. A month later, a positive pregnancy test. 

I remember it just like it was yesterday, the week of me finding out. I had felt so unusual in myself and it is just so hard to explain but you just feel different and if you are regular on your monthlies like me, there is the obvious symptom - a late period. 

Wide awake at 4:30am on a Friday morning I was restless all night, I HAD to take this pregnancy test! Sitting on the loo my hands were shaking, I could barely open the packet. My result came up pretty much straight away but I could barely believe my eyes. In a weird sort of frenzied state I ran into the room and took another one 10 mins after! (my bladder was unbelievable) The second one of course came up the same.

 I sort of half-walked, half-stumbled into our bedroom with Jake still fast asleep, I shook him gently, 'babe..babe wake up!' with a grunt and a stir Jake replied 'what is it?' and just like that I told him I was pregnant! Of course Jake being half asleep his response began with shock, then moved onto excitement but then sleep took over again!

 A few days after telling immediate family I went and bought another pregnancy test, I think it was so much to take in that I kept convincing myself in fact I had got it wrong, my eyes were playing tricks on me, 'You're not actually pregnant' a little voice kept telling me. To settle my anxious state I went and bought a test that clarified in words whether I was pregnant and by how far. Of course it read 'Pregnant 2-3 weeks'. 

Second time round, September 2020 during a global pandemic, I had all the exact symptoms again of being pregnant but this time I wanted to make the announcement a little more special and memorable. Again the test was took during the early hours of a Friday morning. This time instead of telling my half-asleep husband, I decided to keep it to myself all day. Now I remember that day I saw my mother, brother and was speaking to friends over social media. This was an extremely difficult secret to keep! That evening Jake and my brother had just come back from playing football, I sat Jake down in the living room and said 'Arthur has made you something at nursery today, go and sit down and he'll give it you.' Obediently Jake went and sat down in the living room with my mum and brother, I gave Arthur this folded up piece of card to give to his dad. Jake was sat there expecting it to be a scribble drawing that Arthur had done at nursery.
Anxious and excited I watched as Jake opened it up and read what was inside he must have sat there for a good minute staring at the written words and then at me - 'NO WAY.. YOU'RE JOKING.. OH MY GOD!' It was a seriously happy occasion and everyone was over the moon! 

The folded piece of card Arthur gave to dad

So ending this little.. or rather long blog (I could type all day) I hope you enjoyed reading about my experience of finding out or maybe relate in any way! I have kept my pregnancy tests from both times in a little box upstairs, every now and then I have a little look and smile at the memory of how excited and overwhelmed I was at the thought of finally starting my family.

Arthur's pregnancy tests (2018)

Baby girls tests (2020)

 

I can recall it all like it was yesterday.