Motherhood: The struggle is real.

‘Mummy?’

‘MUMMY!’

I look at the clock, 06:45 am - absolutely exhausted I sleepily walk towards Arthur's room where he is waiting for me. 'PLAY MUMMY'  There is not a chance I am playing anything at this time of morning the way I feel. Arthur comes into bed with me, TV switched on and Postman Pat plays quietly while I close my eyes. Not that I didn't get much sleep the night before, but I just do not have any energy, every movement just feels like too much effort. Eventually we go downstairs for breakfast - which he insists on helping me make, even though I would much rather get breakfast made and on the table with no interruptions I decide that there was no harm in him helping me. I sigh as I look at the dirty plates, mugs and cutlery in the sink that I had no interest in doing the night before and decided it was tomorrows job - did I regret that decision now.. yep! Once Arthur helps me with breakfast causing plenty of spillages because he insists he can do everything himself, I sit him down and let him eat while I get on with the washing up - trying to make light conversation with my 2 year old so he doesn't feel too alone at the table.

 'Finished breakfast mummy!' After the daily battle of wiping his face and hands we go into the living room to play with his toys. I had very little energy today and did not really feel like sitting down playing Lego (I would much rather be back in bed) but I do my best - which isn't to Arthur's standards today - "DON'T TOUCH THAT MUMMY' or 'NO MUMMY LEAVE THAT!' So I just sit back and let him get on with it. I feel my eyes starting to shut so I stand up in order to wake myself up. 

 'No mummy peas play' 

'Sorry darling I just need to stand up a moment, mummy is getting sleepy sitting here’

'NO MUMMY PLAY WITH ME!' 

So instead of sitting down and playing with the Lego, Arthur asks to watch more TV - I feel useless at this point as part of me would love nothing more than to cuddle up on the sofa for a bit and relax while my son watches his favourite programme (at the moment its BING) but a wave of guilt washes over me because I could not entertain my son by being imaginative or creative enough so he got bored and wanted to watch TV instead. 

By the end of the day I collapse on the sofa. I have survived somehow - there has been a lot of battles from: getting Arthur dressed, brushing his teeth, emotional downfalls between the two of us and a lot of bribes, 'NO's!' and hair pulling moments.

BUT not everyday is like this. In fact most days I couldn’t feel more blessed and proud of the little human I created. Most days I am energised and determined to give my little man a good day. We go on outdoor adventures, discover new things through play, make each other laugh, cuddle till our hearts content and talk to each other endlessly. Memories are created that are often so unexpected - but they are the best kind. Being a mum is an absolute blessing and I wouldn’t change a thing about it - not the good days or the bad.

What I am trying to say is it is OKAY to have these battle days with your child, plenty of mum's have them almost on a daily basis. However these type of days are rarely seen on social media or read in magazines. You are having a bad day with your child because they threw their lunch all over the floor and then once you have shouted at them they start to cry and then the mum guilt washes over you - so during a brief moment to yourself you scroll through Facebook or Instagram and see all these happy family posts with captions like 'Never a grey moment with you baby girl/boy' or 'Having the best day, smiles all around' Instantly you then look at your crying child who is in the middle of a temper tantrum and you feel like the worst parent in the world who should be doing better. When in fact this is NOT true. Behind the smiles of the photos posted on social media are struggling parents just like you who are going through the same battle. I’m not saying that posting positive messages and beautiful family photos are a bad thing, I do it regularly and it can be lovely to see families making memories together! However it can sometimes lead to false expectations, especially towards new mums or even dads on raising their children, and then when there is a hurdle in the way either mum or dad instantly punish themselves for it, instead of thinking ‘It's completely normal to be feeling run down and upset as a parent sometimes and I should not punish myself!'  There is so much pressure on parents nowadays on how they raise their children - 

‘It is wrong to get stressed and lose your temper in front of your child'

‘Pizza and chips is not a healthy nutritious meal for your child, you should be making homemade meals everyday!'

'You knew what you were getting yourself into when having children so you should deal with the consequences' 

‘You should be doing as much as possible with your child as they always come first’ 

‘You should feel happy and blessed every moment you spend with your child’

The truth is there are going to be hard days, emotional moments, stressful and upsetting situations where all you want is 10 minutes to yourself, or sometimes all you feel like cooking is something out the freezer, even where occasionally all you fancy doing is cuddling up watching a film with your child instead of getting the arts and crafts box out - there should be no guilt from that. My son knows that he is loved and absolutely cherished to bits as I tell him that every single day. I am also so lucky to have so many supportive mum friends who I can talk to on a regular basis about my struggles with a boisterous toddler and they can tell me about their frustrations from their side without any judgement. I have cried, ranted and asked for advice on many occasions on how to handle certain situations and I have always been there to offer the same towards others. Being a parent is the biggest joy anyone could ever give me - I wouldn't change a single moment (even the hard ones!) as from every mistake and tear shed you become a stronger and more capable person as you learn to reflect on things that have gone wrong and how to prevent or manage it next time.